My Mother Died Today
76I'll be out of town for a while. Try not to get into any trouble while I'm gone. *hugs*
spryte
Photo by Heaven's Gate
My mother died today.
I always knew that someday I'd see those four words written down...I just never expected it to happen now. Now yesterday...now today...now tomorrow. I never wanted it to be now. Now is always too soon isn't it?
When my youngest sister called me at work, it was hard to understand her...she was crying so hard. But when I could finally understand...it still didn't make sense. I just talked to my mother on Thursday. She called to tell me her sister passed away that morning...and to remind me that I should send something, because I'm really forgetful when it comes to stuff like that.
We talked for hours. My mother loves to talk...and although there were times when I wish she didn't...talk so much...this time, I really enjoyed it. It had been a little while since we talked like this. One subject just led to another which led to another...politics, the Olympics, the freak tornado that hit New Hampshire, books we were reading, menopause...and we laughed. Oh we laughed so much...I can still hear its echoes.
At the end of the conversation, I didn't just give a casual "love ya"...as I sometimes do. I don't know why...maybe because of Aunt Helen's death...but I said, "I love you Mom." You know...that way you say it when you want the other person to really know you do? I could hear the smile in her voice when she said, "I love you too, Laurie." I told her I would talk to her later...
But now got there first...and later could be a long time in coming.
It hurts a lot...but I think it would have hurt a lot more if I hadn't had the opportunity to tell her how very much she means to me.
My mother died today...
...and it feels somehow unreal. I want to curl up into a ball and not think about it, let sleep claim me and allow me to forget for just a little while.
But I cannot. My brother and sisters need me. I need them too. And so I will finish packing my suitcase and board that plane in the morning. I'll keep the sunglasses on my face to cover my swollen eyes and plaster a polite smile on my face so that nobody will suspect or even worse, be tempted to offer sympathy and undo my carefully contructed façade.
There will be a time for tears...a time for the nearly crippling pain of loss...but not now, not yet. If I can just keep it together for a little while longer...
But it's hard. Memories keep intruding...her smile, her voice, her comforting words that tell me everything will be just fine...but how can that be true?
My mother died today.
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My heart goes out to you in your loss. How often it seems we somehow know -- without knowing -- that we need to let someone feel we truly love them. Knowing you told her you loved her will be something you will always remember and it will bring you comfort through the coming years.
I know what it's like to lose your mother. Mine passed away almost 10 years ago. My heart aches for you and my spirit is with you.
My mom passed ten years ago also. I think of her every day. It doesn't matter how old she is or how old you are, it is a singular and stunning experience. You are blessed to have such a strong memory of the last time you shared your thoughts together.
Blessings.
I'm so sorry Laurie. My condolence go out to you and your family. God Bless!
You're in my prayers, Laurie. I'm saying a special one, just for you, tonight.
My mom is still with us but my dad died unexpectedly little over 5 years ago so I know how painful it is to lose a parent, someone you love deeply. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. If there was a way to hug through cyberspace, know I'd give you a big warm embrace.
I am so sorry to hear , but i am happy to know that you have some precious memories that will linger for a long time. later on as they flash through your minds eyes you will smile again.. So have a haughty cry. my prayers are with you . I still have my mom so i cannot say I know how you feel but until that day.love you hang in there.
My sincerest sympathy for your loss, I can imagine few bereavements worse than losing your Mother, and I am lucky enough to still have mine, although she is now in her 70's. The closest I have come to a similar pain was losing my first Husband to bowel Cancer only two weeks after he was diagnosed with it and when he was only 48. This pain was bad enough and I thought I would never recover, but I did, and now talk to him out loud and feel he is around me at all times. My current Husband has no problem with this, and even lets me display my first Husband's photo in our home without any complaints. What I did find really comforting was watching "Crossing Over with John Edward" on Sky, as this truly convinced me that my Husband was not gone, and was still around me. I also had some fantastic information come through to me from him from at least 2 psychic mediums I went to, and my Sister has even had messages from him to me when she has gone to a psychic medium for her own purposes. The information was too accurate to ever have been guessed by any of them, and included such specific details as the fact he had a limp on his right foot, and that he knew his Son had treated me badly after his death and he was ashamed of him, and that he had a large bi-coloured dog with him, which was particularly important as once, when he was alive I had asked Dave if anything ever happened to him could he please come back to me through a psychic medium and let me know our dog was with him. Our dog had died the year before, and was a 3 year old black and tan Doberman. One of the mediums even described the kitchen in our home exactly, right down to the shape of it and where the furniture was located, she also told me that I had resized the photo of Dave, which I had by reducing it for the purposes of using it for the cover of the funeral hymn sheet.
Please take comfort in knowing that your Mother will still be around you, and she has not gone, but merely stepped into the next room.
My prayers are with you and your family.
My condolences, Laurie. I wish you and your loved ones strength and hope you will soon find comfort and the time to mourn. Take care.
My deepest sympathy Laurie. I wish for a lot of strenght and love for you and your family.
*hug*
You have the comfort that you told each other that you love each other and really understood it. So many leave unfinished business at the foot of the grave. You will have that cherished memory.
I pray for the comfort of your family in this unexpected time of now.
Patty
My condolences Laurie. It´s hard to read your words and don´t cry (so hard I couldn´t prevent it myself). Our mothers and their love will always be with us no matter what and that´s the greater support we got after losing them. Be strong :)
You are a BRAVE Lady. Take care of yourself and your family.
Best Wishes!
My deepest sympathies as well. Please let us know if there's anything we can do.
You and your family are in my thoughts, Laurie.
I'm so sorry in times of death words are so useless,they mean nothing.what ever words I can utter can't make it easier for you and I am indeed sorry for that.
I'm so sorry :( But I'm sure you'll be alright, you're a tough lady.
Dear spryte,
Please accept my sincere condolences at this very sad time in your life. I've lost my mom, dad and hubby, so I'm no stranger to loss.
My prayers are with you,,,
Trish
awww spryte...we're all crying with you...we are linked with our own experiences that are now tied to yours. Stay strong, but don't be afraid to cry.
It's ok to hurt, and laugh, and remember. It's all part of her. thinking of you....Marisue
Laurie, We, along with all the other Hubbers wish you and your family the best in this time of sorrow.
As I was told when my father passed away "He is in a better place and will never hurt, but he will always smile down on you" I know that doesn't bring you comfort (I still miss him) but the comfort comes when your down and all of the sudden you have inner peace you will know she is still with you ! Love and prayers to you and your family, Your friends at destinyrk2
Thank you so much for all the well wishes, expressions of condolence and spiritual encouragment. It's nice to come back from an especially emotionally grueling day to read these...they have meant the world to me. My family also thanks you for your kindness and we definitely feel blessed in our friendships (something my Mom always said was important beyond measure)
I look forward to catching up with all of you next week. Until then, be safe and stay well.
spryte
Take care, Spryte. Take your time, we'll be here :)
I'm sorry for your loss. Bless you through this difficult time.
i am sorry for your loss.may god bring you peace of mind in this time of difficulty.
My deepest sympathy to you Laurie. I know how difficult it would be to lose someone we love. It makes me think of my own mother who is miles away. I missed her. Thank you for sharing these with us.
You have my sincerest condolences and I admire your strength in writing this personal hub.
I am very sorry for your loss Laurie. My parents have lived in San Diego, Ca for almost 20 years and I live in Kentucky and they have been trying to move back here for two years so that we can spend that quality time together that we have missed throughout the years and everytime that phone rings from San Diego, I wonder if its that dreaded phone call that I don't think I will be able to handle. My condolences!
I'm SOOOO sorry about your mom. If you need to talk, you know how to find me.
ProCW
Dear Spryte, my deepest condolences on your mother's passing.
May Peace fill your souls: to you and your family.
Dear Sprite,
I only just found this hub and want to add my condolences to all those posted here. You are at the funeral now and will read this next week after it is over and the formal good-bye has been said. I hope that will bring you some peace. I am so sorry for your loss, but happy that you and your mother had such a wonderful relationship and that you got to tell her you loved her before she went. That is something that will feed your soul in the days to come. A sudden, unexpected loss like this is so hard to bear.My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
Thank you everyone, for all the kind words and thoughts sent during this difficult time. I've just returned home...exhausted, still sorta dazed...but doing alright.
I've missed writing...I've missed all of you...and I can't wait until the return of normalcy (even as abnormal a version as mine usually is).
*hugs*
Dear Laurie,
thanks for sharing your sorrow with us. I hope that the sharing did make it somewhat lighter.
Benson - Thank you. It does...and whenever I find myself having a particularly bad day I re-read this and the comments.
So sorry...so so sorry to hear that. I lost my mom 2 years ago, it was sudden and completely out of the blue.
Share, share, share. If you talk about it, it helps. Not much, but a little.
Hiya quiet: Sounds like you have the experience I'm just beginning to get used to. My condolences on your loss as well. I'm just guessing that even though it's been two years...the grief is softer but still there?
I'm very fortunate to have my own familial support group with a brother and three sisters...we're on the phone a lot these days. And of course when I'm not talking to them...I write. It does help...perhaps more than a little :)
You guessed right. The two year anniversary just passed in July. And that day felt like the day it happened. All of these emotions came flooding back in.
It gets softer, but still quite evident. Talking defintely helps. Family support is key.
On Feb.3rd this year I lost my Dad .. on Mar. 8th my Mom Passed away. I didn't even know how to describe the pain that I felt I was in. It has now been over six months and I am starting to finally pick myself off the ground.
The hardest time is not having our nightly phone calls.. god I miss those the most.
Talk to people... everyone you can.. Talk to those that have lost their mother .. they truly know your pain.
I am sorry that you have had the two losses I know its very difficult to not get over one and be faced with two.
Wrap your arms around yourself and feel your mom hug you, she wants you to be strong she is not far away
God Bless
Dear Sprtye -
May I extend my personal sympathy for your great loss. It is never easy to lose a loved one, let alone a mother. There is nothing in this life, that can replace a mother to a child, regardless of our age. I am so very sorry. I trust that many thoughts and prayers are with your entire family during this time... including mine.
I have a very deep and personal belief that life is eternal, and that we will be united once again with those we have loved and lost throughout our lives...
tDMg
LdsNana-AskMormon
Laurie
I am so sorry for your loss. My mom died last year in May unexpectedly. It was a shock. I think even if you know, you are never really prepared. It is such an intense relationship.
I will keep you in your prayers and hope that the memory of the times you had will sustain you.
Womenfishing, LdsNana and Susan -
Thanks for all of your kind words of support and sharing your own losses with me. My heart goes out to all of you as well, even as I'm comforted by the fact that I'm not alone in my grief.
The other day, while I was getting ready for work, I thought I caught the scent of my mother's favorite powder. It was so powerful...the soft smell of lavender...that it brought all sorts of memories rushing back.
Things like that catch me off guard...
Dear Spryte, I am very quiet after I got to read this hub. Sending you a warm "hug" as I sit beside you in the "silence" of our spirits. I believe 'catching the scent of your mother's favorite powder' was a way for her to be with you in this difficult time. Take care..
I'm so sorry. Both my parents are now gone so I definitely know how you feel...
hey laurie...i just lost my mother too...im only 17...i feel the world has ended...b/c i have no family now..i have one brother who is in iraq so its me n my aunt thats it....my thoughts are def. for u laurie! my heart is for the lost our mothers!!!
Amanda - I am so sorry to hear that you have just lost your mother. Will your brother be coming home to be with you and your aunt? If it hadn't been for my brother and sisters...it would have been so easy to just fall apart, so I was thankful that we were all together during the worst part of the grief. I truly hope that he will be able to be with you.
But just in case...I'm sending you a sisterly hug and I'll be thinking of you, wishing you peace and comfort.
My Mum died today March 29, 2009. She died in Spain. I live in Toronto. I don't know what to do. I am sorry for your loss too.
Dawn:
Reading what you wrote instantly brought tears to my eyes. I can sense your pain and shock...I think anyone who has been in this situation can and it just slams into you all over again when you see somebody else going through it.
My heart goes out to you and I'm so very sorry for your loss. Be gentle with yourself, don't expect anything to make sense for a while and if you just need a place to share what you are going through, feel free to visit as often as you'd like. *hugs to you*
I lost my mom a year and a half ago to cancer and my father in Dec to cancer also. This was very unexpected they were both under 70. I know they are both with God and I will see them again someday. Time is so short and I just have to make my life here full of purpose until that day. God bless anyone who has lost someone they loved.
My mom died today too...
I just typed it into google and your poem came up. Thanks for sharing your story. Mine is different but the same. You only have one Mom.
I love you Mom!
Jeremy
Jeremy -
This is true...only one. I'm so sorry for the pain of your loss. It's been two years now for me and I think it's a blessing that time does seem to diminish the pain while it increases the joy and comfort of happy memories. Be kind to yourself and those around you during this time and may all the angels watch over you and yours.
spryte
My Mother died May 4,2010...My heart aches everyday and I fight back the tears every moment I breath. I knew her time was short & thought I was prepared to let her go, I was wrong. I know your pain and pray the Lord will comfort us both and give us the strenght we need to go forth.
I found my mother dead yesterday morning...
I'm still in complete shock - didn't know where to turn so found this via google.
I'm only 23 and she was 49 my uncle is in bits and so is my grandmother - gotta be strong even though i'm beating myself up on the inside.
Because of sudden death post mortem needs to be done...
I'm just so numb i can't sleep.
Mam i love you and will do always i'm happy you are now at peace and with your soulmate.
Love you forever
Simon
Simon:
I can't even begin to imagine...
Sending a hug your way.
spryte
My mom died 3/18/2010. She was so beautiful, young, non-judgemental. She was a perfect role model for me and my kids. She fit her name, "Ritzy" perfectly. My dad is completely lost, they were truely in love. I don't think I will ever get "over it" and it makes me mad when people talk in that manner. I miss her more as time goes on. I found this website in hopes that I could get good advise from people who have been through this that feels as awful as I do. It's crippling, gut wrenching. My mom didn't want to die and went along with everything the doctors told her to do. I wonder why such angels have to suffer so. I lost my first born baby son and now my best friend, I get some comfort knowing she is rocking him now.
My mom went to heaven on July 5, 2010. She was 88 and I am 60 and she was very ill and is now young and beautiful and happy again but I cannot function. I am happy for her but don't know how I can go on. I know I will and must but nothing seems to matter anymore. I know how you feel. God Bless.
Nancy & Sharon: It's been nearly two years since my mother passed away...but I still miss her. Nancy, I too lost my son as a baby and I have to thank you for such a comforting image. I guess no matter what your age or the age of your mother, it always hurts. There just isn't any good time to lose somebody we love so much.
Sharon...I'm sending you a very big hug. Keep breathing in and out, let those tears fall when they have to...even if it's years from now (I still have my moments)...and above all else, be gentle with yourself. Sixty years is a long time to love somebody and it's perfectly understandable for you to miss that presence in your life.
My mum died on thursday 8th july, I day after her 78th birthday. Her name is Rose and she had battled illness and adversity all her life. I knew the day would come, but I was still so shocked. I am a man of 47 and I feel like a lost child. I want to tell me dad so he can help me.... He'd died 4 years ago. I want to tell the world, I want it the world to stop, I just cannot believe that this has happened. I had the pleasure of being bake to by my parents a home so that they could live out their lives in comfort and peace. I sit here now surrounded by family but feeling so very alone.
Sleep evades me, I cannot breathe fully..... I am truly lost for the first time in my life, my mum isn't there to tell me everything will be ok. I thought I understood death having lost my life partner 17 years ago and friends and relatives since .... I am so very lost.
going through this myself right now, its difficult. i heavily advise taking a holiday/vacation.
2 weeks after my mother passed away, which was 7 weeks ago now, me and my father went on holiday to europe for 2 weeks, spending just under a week in switzerland, where my mothers' family come from. was the best choice we could have made.
the break from reality helps take your mind from the pain, take you away from the tedium of paperwork and day-to-day life, and gives you a break from the memories that you're going to be finding everywhere that you have been with your mother. it alsi symbolically marks the event in your mind, to help you get your head around what has happened.
Colin - I remember feeling the exact same way...so utterly lost. I still have days when I want to pick up the phone and call her...and it's been nearly two years. Like you, I've never found any other loss to compare to that of losing my mother. Sending you a comforting hug...I'm so sorry for your pain.
Ghandi - I have often felt the best thing to do during the grieving process is to get away from it all for a bit. Mourning is downright exhausting! Not only are you trying to cope with your own loss...but I found that I felt responsible for comforting everybody else as well. Getting away...even if only for a day or two...to watch the sun come up and then watch it set...over and over again...let's you know that life will go on and that we have only to breathe in and out while the universe takes care of the rest. I think spending time away with your father was a perfect tribute to your mother's life!
I am sorry. It's been a while since your mother passed away but I am sure that you miss her still.
I lost my mother a month a half back. I have never felt uncontrollable grief in my life till recently. Mother's are safety nets and I feel so lost without her. Not a day swings by when I don't think of her. She made me feel young, perky and so important.
None of that is possible now.
Keep her alive in your thoughts and memories. You are who you are, because your mother facilitated you.
I am sorry.My dad died a few years back.I know how do you feel,and i am a mother my self.I am always worried about my kids(:-!!!
I am so sorry. . . I know it's painful coz I loss my dad too. My father died when I was 10 yrs. old and eventhough that's long time ago but the hurt remains coz I miss him so much. I'm with my mum right now and I'm so afraid if that will happen again. I just pray that mum will stay on us forever. my bio: http://healthyflat.com
Thank you all for your kind words.... it is now 4 weeks since my Mum, Rose died, it has been very difficult and I miss her so much. Today I found a video clip on my computer of her singing happy birthday to her grandson. It is about 9 months old. So although days are good and bad, sometimes there treasures to be found that bring me joy. I have learnt that nothing else in the world matters as much as the love of your family and friends and I am truly blessed by my wonderful sisters and some great friends.
I'm sorry, and thank u much for sharing.
For Me, it was this day, and tommorrows day/date, where i found my favorite uncle lying face down, naked, in a pool of blood, as a result of him, cutting both of his wrist, then the next day, was informed, my father was found in his bed, dead(sucicide) as well, both at the age of 52. I'm now 52, feeling a bit low, these days, cant erase the actual events from my mind/thoughts/ though i pray, i may, just is not happening. oh boy!
thanks again, to all of you, who have commented on this, for i will place my thoughts and prayers this day, on all of you!
I just lost my Mom to. I took care of her in my home for 5 years. She started to lose her mind to senilety and I could not care for her anymore and had to send her to live with my brother. I am single, 58 male and work all night.
I remember taking my Mom out shopping early in the AM. Then she would go back to sleep till noon. I would wake up to go downstairs and there she had something cooking on the stove.
We would sit up watching TV then I would go back to bed around 4 and wake up later to go to work.
On weekends I would take her out to eat, she loved this mexican restaurant I used to take her to.
She was old, age 91, had to be cared for and watched over but she was my Mom.
Now she is gone.
Matt - You've now reached the 52 year mark, so I can understand how your uncle's and father's deaths would weigh heavily on your heart. On the other hand, despite what you are going through...you still have this wonderful quality of thinking of others. I think you are amazing...and I for one am glad that you'll be around for many more years to come. Big hugs to you!
That was a beautiful hub and written from the heart.Last year I lost my youngest daughter at the age of 17 years old, therefore hubs of this nature are very close to my heart. I have written a tribute to my lovely daughter on here, 'My Beautiful Little Girl' if you would like to read! There is a very true saying: 'They may be gone from our homes but never from our hearts.'
Take care and God bless!!
Mike - There is something so simply beautiful in your comment here that I needed a few days to digest it before commenting. I think it's the little day to day things...the memories that really made me feel your grief so deeply. I can tell there was and still is a tremendous amount of love and caring in the relationship you had with your mother. She must have known how much you loved her...even I as an outsider could feel the power of it. Big hugs to you.
Eiddwen - You grace me with your presence yet again. Thank you. I promise to make a date with your hub...and you have my condolences and total sympathy on the loss of your precious child. There's an article of mine out there regarding the loss of my own son. I just can't do it today...it's September 11th and I've run out of kleenex. Nine years...and it's still a painful day.
I lost my mom 2 days ago. I don't know how to do this--she was Sick for a while, in and out of the hospital, but that's just it--she always came OUT of the hospital, until this time. I know it's only been two days, but I feel like I am coming unglued with grief. She was my rock, my best friend, my sounding board, my source of support. How do I go on without her in my life? I can't even be there for my own family because I am just devastated, taken out.
Hi Miss: I remember that feeling too..this total lack of direction, as if you lost the anchor on your boat...the thing that made you feel stable and safe. The grief does get gentler...I'm gathering at this point that a form of it will always be with me. I still miss not being able to pick up the phone and call her...
The only thing that got me through those first few days was my brother, sisters and my father (although divorced for a number of years he still wanted to be a part of it all). Instead of worrying about being there for your own family...let them have this opportunity to be there for you. It sounds to me as if you are trying to do too much...be kinder to yourself, okay? Don't expect that you'll have to function normally...nobody expects that of you, trust me. Let the grief be whatever it has to be...unglued, discombobulated, comatose...it's all perfectly okay. It expresses just how very much you loved your mother and how much you'll miss her. I wish you only the best.
I love your words to missmymom!
"Don't expect that you'll have to function normally...nobody expects that of you, trust me. Let the grief be whatever it has to be...unglued, discombobulated, comatose...it's all perfectly okay."
It is so true! that is all you can do and slowly you will get into a new normal.
I know this as I lost my father 47 years ago, my step-father 4 years ago and my mother 47 years ago and then again, 1 year ago.
I also wrote a hub, well, a few hubs, honoring my mother to help me through the grief.
I really liked your hub, it is the way I felt as well.
I'm one like you...I miss her. Yet I never came to understand why she dies young. She was 53 when she passed away, but stayed enough to see me through my defining years. All I'm now and would be, I owe to her.
.::peace
I miss my mum so much.She only died this morning.I am 11 years old.She was 45.I dont have a dad either he died just after Bi-Bi was born.I now live with my brothers and sisters.Matt 25,Iain 22,Stephan 18,Lydia 14,William 6 and Bi-Bi 2.I cant stop thinking about her.She died of booby cancer.But the thing is - Matt,Iain and Lydia they dont care. Stephan looks after me though.
I miss my mum.
I lost my mom 2 days ago and she was 92. I went on a trip and while I was gone she went into the hospital with sepsis. I blame myself for not fixing her. She had been ill for awhile, but I am totally numb.
My mother passed away 3 weeks ago! I'm trying to get over the loss.. but sometimes and somewhere in my heart the pain of the loss is getting up and I feel that lost a big thing that has no replacement in this Universe.....
With a crying heart.....
My Mother passed away 4 weeks back. She was 66 years old. I was not with her at the time of her demise. I work and live in another country with my family and was seeing her three or four weeks in a year for last thirteen years. I regularly talk to her over the phone may be once every two or three days. Sometimes I call her daily. She never asked me to come and see her. But I know she wanted to see me. She understands the tone of my voice and recognizes if I am down or low. After the talk I always feel better. She stood by me through my up's and down's. I wish I spend more time with her. If I have tried little bit more I could have gone and see her when I heard she was critical. I wish I spend more time with her when she was healthy. I was not there when she wanted. I never thought she will go this quickly. Now I just think about her all the time and cry.
It now been 19 days since my mom has passed, and it seems like she was here only yesterday. I can't sleep without dreaming of her. I hope it gets better because the pain is too hard.
We all have different stories, but our loss is the same, I was truely a mother's son in every sense, 9 years last September she decided that a traumatic life changing time was just too much for her to handle. May God look after all our mums and I hope who ever is feeling low and lost, feel comforted in just because they are not with us in person ,an angel is watching over you xxx
Although I don't comment on each and every post here, I read them all and all I can say is thank you. Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share what is in your heart with me and everyone else that visits this page looking for comfort.
My mother would have smiled...and welcomed each and every one of you.
my mom was pass away on 19:10:2010 at morning in hospital.i am in belgium and she was in india.she had cancer..she pass away without seeing my face.i don't know what other people did with her body? i feel like tears will burst or i will be mad but i have to look for my sister and dad..So i just drink all the tears inside.
really its hard..so just keep the beautiful memories that u had with her..
I truly understand how everybody feels I lost my mom to Cancer two years ago and it is the hardest thing in my life to deal with. I don't know what to do my heart is in so much pain, I have never lost anyone so close to me before. I am from a family of four I have three brother's and I am the baby of the family I am the only girl I was my mother's shadow, losing her has been the most painful in my life. My grief is to hard to deal with, my heart is in so much pain. The pain is not going away, when she passed away 90% of me went down with her.
My mum passed away four weeks ago and it does not feel real, She fell ill really suddenly & it was really hard to watch her pass away. I think about her all the time and really miss her, the little things are the worst, wanting to call her and share news with her or simply hear her voice, to me that it the worst the fact I will never hear her say my name again or tell me she loves me.
I lost my both parents in betn year and half gap. Both of them died with cancer and yesterday was the date my mother died last year.
I talked to her on phone a week before she died we had nice chat but i regret i was not with her in her low time but she means a lot to me....i love you mom you're the best part of me who was there for me every day, everytime and everywhere. I want you to let you know that i love you....i love you more than anything in the world.....rest in peace by the grace of god!!!
i lost my moter 5 years ago.untill today i can't forget this day. tis was most terrible day in my life. i love you mom da miss you every next day more aand more, i'll never forget you!
My mom died almost 1 year ago, she died on her oldet son's birthday. It took 3 days for her to die and I was there every minute..she was my best friend and my mother. She has 11 children and only 2 came to see her, myself and my older brother. When I informed the rest of the siblings, they stated that they said good bye to her when they walked out of her life when she started showing signs of dementia..They wanted just her money,,,haha there was NO MONEY! I miss her so very much, calling her in the morning on my way to work and then several times during the day, and on the way home. She never judged anyone, she was an amazing mother! I miss you and love you. Thank you for being my mom~ I am the person today, because of her....
i lost my loving mom today,
If my mother died, that would change me a lot. My life would be all about bullying n' stuff because it's my mom that help me stay under control.
I still have my mother, but I just lost my father. Death can bring about so many heavy emotions that at times it's hard to cope. I found, like you, that writing about it can be help. Sorry to hear about your mother.
I am sorry for your loss, I lost my mom yesterday and I am going to miss her a lot. Thank you for sharing, its nice going through this with others who know where I am coming from. Its going to be OK we will see them again.
Sorry to hear of your loss of your mother, it sounds like you had a good relationship with her, I also lost my Mother she was in a car accident,it was quick and quite a surprise.
She was the kind of person that would listen to what ever you had to say and she would share her feelings as well. We took Music lessons together dance lessons together when we where younger I also have 5 other sisters and My mom had time to share with each one of us. And was interested in what we where doing. Loved seeing us and out families. She will be greatly missed. I understand how you feel about the lose of your mother wishing you well. Memory of Moms
Dear
I lost my mother 40 days ago, like you my sister called me from overseas and I went even I did not pack any clothes, I went with my black pants and shirt, I am so happy I found ticket, I was in oversees for 15 days but I had to come back. I feel I am getting crazy, I cannot stop my cry. My mum was 65 years old. I did not have chance to tell her how much I love her. I miss her so much I cannot live without her. I do not know what will happen to me? Please pray
I lost my mother in 12/18/2011 just before christmas, I miss her like crazy, I didn't have the opportunity to say I love you mom, she never regain her conscious,.I think of her everyday, The way I found her on her bed hunts me everynite. I just can't bare to be without her
I need her so much. I just want to scream out loud but I can't cause I don't want my dad to suffer. I need her.
sorry 12/10/10
Hi all, I also lost my mother few weeks ago...
Facing the pointless life right now, it's hard to find a reason to go on, if u didn't manage to have own children so far... Who to live for? Is it because our parents make us believe we live for them? That we live to make them proud or happy? ... Meanwhile you get children and you start living for them... Who do I live for now? ... What can I say, life goes on, let's see maybe this is the real life... some-kind living for self life, just like animals, they let their children go their way almost right after birth...
I lost my mother on February 19, 2011. She had been ill with an Alzheimers type of dementia (Lewy Body) for some years and was recently in the hospital three times for pneumonia and congestive heart failure. I knew that she would die someday; I have worried about it since I was a child. Now, at 93, she is gone. I wanted to fix her because I have always been the good daughter. I knew she wanted to die and I am trying to think of her and not myself. I keep seeing her as a young woman and she looked young suddenly when she took her last breath. That image is so painful for me. Maybe someday it will be a good image...
last week i lost my mum age 69, she was everything to me, were very close and best friend and im lost with out her, i feel so very lonly sometimes, im very upset i dont know what i have to do with out her?
I know how you feel I lost my mother 17th march and it was her funeral 24th it was so sudden and unexpected she would have turned 67 on 11th April. The whole family have been left in total shock. Even though I saw her in her bed on the morning of the 17th and also in the funeral directors it still seems unreal. Been spending majority of my time over at my mams home with my dad and other family members and going back to work Monday. I just feel so cheated, aggravated and unsettled I know it takes time and nothing can prepare you for this but I just wonder will it ever get better.
I know how you feel, my mother passed away last december, it's still hard to comprehend.
it's like a nightmare that goes on and on and on
hello all. i read a lot of your posts and i would like to comment as well. my mother is sick right now with stage 4 colon cancer and probably won't be here much longer. she did everything for me and although i am 21 years old, i feel as if i am still a young child. it's hard because i was and still am the biggest mama's boy out there. i will always miss her when she is gone and i will do my best to grow up and eventually raise a family in which she would be proud. i love you, mom.
It has now been 6 months since my mom died and the pain is still here. Now what I start to feel is "what if". What if I did this, she would still be here. But I know I could not continue to fix her, she was 92. The pain does get better and now when I die, I know I wont be scared.
Another beautiful tribute to your mom. I just read "The Hub That wasn't Supossed to be a Hub" an incredible way to touch your moms soul. It was Mothers Day last sunday and these stories are screaming for me to talk to my mom and I am. Thanks, Peter
Beautiful!
I lost my mother 2 weeks ago to a DWI...on a LOCAL street in New York City at 8:30AM! I haven't been able to cope at all because I was so very close to her. She had just come back from a vacation the day before and wasn't even in New York for 24 hours...and for someone to be driving 40+ MPH on a local street...for her to be taken from me just like that....it hurts so much... How does one cope?
Wayne.... I am so sorry for your loss. My Mum died 10 months ago, I posted on here because I didn't know where to turn. I needed to express my grief publicly and beyond my immediate family. I wanted the world to know. I have since read this web page on many occasions, finding it a great comfort. There are tough times ahead as you come to live with your loss, you will in time, adjust to the loss and part of that adjustment is to realise that in some way that loss will always be there. From my experience I have bad days, where I cry out for her in my sleep, these occur more frequently as the anniversary of her passing comes nearer. But I also remember the wonderful times that I shared with her and my family. Since she passed a number of items have come to light, things she gave to me, keepsakes she kept (my first efforts at woodwork from school) and some video recordings... these have brought me great joy and I realise that I think of her daily and will never stop thinking about her. Although she is no longer here, she is always with me and present in my being. My bond with my mother is a strong as it always was and I know that it will forever be that way.
I wish you strength and love in the weeks and months to come... you will cope, your mother would want you to cope. The injustice you feel must be immense, as time goes by try to channel that energy into remembering even the smallest details of your experience with your mother. You will remember more than you ever realised, the smallest detail will bring you so much comfort.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Colin
Colin: You have a beautiful, compassionate soul...I'm so glad that people are using this hub exactly as intended by sharing their grief and offering their strength to others. Thank you.
Wayne: Senseless loss is the most difficult to cope with and you'll probably encounter a lot of people that mean well and yet say things to comfort you that only infuriate. Be gentle with yourself...there are so many things you'll feel as you get through this and it's okay to feel it all. I don't want to come across as a trite "Hallmark card" so I will leave it at that. You can always express yourself here...okay?
hi my mum died 3 week ago from copd and sepsis, i have read these comments with tears streaming down my face, i love my mum so much and i cant believe il never see her again, i get married next year and it will be sso sad her not being there x
Joanne, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. The one thing I try to keep in my heart whenever I find myself thinking at milestones in my life how I wish my mother had been there, was to realize that a part of her would always be a part of me. Sometimes I hear her in my laughter, sometimes I catch a glimpse of her face in the mirror...it is because of her love that I am who I am...she is always with me, just as yous will always be with you. I'm sending a hug to you.
(((((((HUG)))))))
It is a year ago today that I last saw my mum, the evening before her birthday, she died within late into the evening of her birthday. In the days after I searched for a place to express my grief and shock, somewhere beyond my family, a place where the statement of her passing in a public forum would make it seem real. Now a year on it is real and sometimes very sad, a couple of weeks back I found myself having nightmares all centred around the loss of my mother and my being powerless to stop her from dying. I became unwell through lack of sleep and finally in exhaustion re-lived the days surrounding her death in conversation with someone who has become so very important in my life. Immediately after the conversation I felt better and slept well, which has continued to be the case.
Now on the eve of her death I look back on the time I spent with her and treasure it, I feel a sense of sadness... I am grateful that I have the memories of my life with her, her wedding ring which she so wanted me to have and friends that I can share my feelings with.
So for those that stumble upon this website as I did a year ago, express your feelings on here and with your friends, they will understand and listen as many times as you tell them, it helps you come to terms with it and by re-living the happier times you spent with your mother, your memory is recharged and your mother is with you once again.
You are part of your mother, you have taken on characteristics and will see her I your mannerisms. She will always be with you and will come to treasure that.
I hope that those who are coming up to an anniversary of their loss, celebrate your mothers life and her part in yours.... It's a time of reflection rather than sadness.
Colin,
That was just amazingly beautiful. I think you captured that moment when grief and peace start to co-exist perfectly. Thank you so much for sharing that here. I believe it will bring hope to those that need this comfort. You have moved me...
From the day I found this website it has helped me. I written several times and each time the pain is alittle less. I used to have dreams with her in it all the time, and I did not want to wake up because I liked seeing her. I no longer have the dreams everynight, but I do feel she is around me. I just know in my heart, I will see her agin and that keeps me going.
Janice - I find it so very hard to believe that it has been nearly 3 years since I lost my mother and wrote this piece. I had no idea at the time that publishing this short story written when my own grief was so unbearable that it would draw others here to share and find their own comfort. This...you...everyone who has come here to add to it...has made it greater than the original piece written. I especially love it when people, like you, come back to let us know how you are doing. Thank you so much.
Spryte, Don't now who you are, but thank for the website. Everyone needs to remember that there will be days that are bad, but they get less. The grief of the loss of a mother, is so painful. There are times when I don't feel complete anymore.
My mom was my best friend. It is is very hard. Lots of emotions we have to go through.
Thanks again
Janice
My mum died 40 days ago and this has been my worst day. I have never felt so sad and lonely in my life. She was (I even hate speaking of her in the past) my best friend. We spoke every day and she knew everything about my life. I keep feeling that I will wake up from a terrible dream, but I know deep down that it's not the case. I'm counting the days, which I know is pointless as she is not coming back. i have a wonderful partner, dad and sister, and wonderful friends, but I fear they are becoming tired of my grief. i am trying to put on a brave front for my dad and sister as they have their own grief to deal with. I feel that people do not want to talk about this constantly, but I can focus on nothing else. I have been getting her affairs (will/probate) in order and I feel as if I am deleting her; every step erases her a bit more. If I find that I have not thought about her for an hour I feel guilty. I just can not imagine how I can ever be truly happy again. We celebrated my father's birthday last week and I get so sad when I look at the pictures of him and my sister and !. There are three of us now, when there was four. I don't have any deep religious beliefs and I do not feel that she is near to me; I feel that she is truly gone forever. I am so lost without her. I held her hand for the four hours she had left when we had to withdraw medication and watched her slip away. I am grateful for that; she was there at my beginning and I was there for her end. I only hope that I can live my life with the courage and dignity that she lived hers, but at the moment I am not living up to that at all. I know it was her time to go. She had the most wonderful life and I truly had no regrets about our relationship. She loved me and I loved her and we knew that -there was nothing to say when she was dying, we had said it all when she was alive. I just cannot work out how people move on from this. How do you live the rest of your life? I know that she would want me to have a good life, and I will do that as a mark of respect for her, but it's so difficult at the moment. This has been my worst day, I truly hope that every day forward from here is better and I can live a life that would make her proud. I wish I could believe that we will meet again one day, but I can't. If she is somewhere else then she is not with us and I don't like that idea. In a strange way I feel more comfortable that she is gone. I can not make any sense of any of this at the moment.
Richard - My mother had five children and each of them grieved differently. My youngest sister probably felt the pain the most because she spent more time with her daily...like you with your mother. I never judged her grief...trust me when I say nobody (especially after a mere 40 days) is wishing you'd just "get over it". In fact...there were times when seeing my sister's tears that I thought I must be terribly heartless since I was feeling rather okay. Grief is individual...stop beating yourself up over it, okay?
Your mind is accepting that she is gone from your physical world...give your heart a chance to catch up. It's okay really...it's allowed.
You have a hole in your life...some people are great at filling a vacuum, others take a bit more time. It really depends I think on the value we have placed on what was lost and a mother is a precious person. You need to find something precious to fill it...have you thought about giving back? What I mean is...trying to find something that was meaningful to both of you, and then doing it in her memory. It really helped me and kept her close to me in spirit.
I'm sending you a hug and if you ever just need to talk and unburden yourself here...that's what this place is for. Be gentle to yourself, okay?
My mom passed away a month and 3 days ago. I didnt think I would have known what this felt like so soon. She was 65 and we only knew that she was really ill one week before she died. At first I only felt relief that her pain was gone, that she was not suffering any longer, but now I don't think it was fair for her to be taken from me. We were always together, shopping, laughing, cooking, I was her best friend and she mine. I wasn't prepared for this, even though she wanted me to be prepared and would once in awhile jolt me and ask "what will I do when I die?" and I would just shrug it off because I didn't know it was coming so soon. I will say that the people that came to me by phone calls, writing, or showing up at the viewing, really amazed me. The first week I was very angry with the Lord for taking her from me. I'm no longer angry. I feel numb sometimes, and other times, like just walking out of a doctor's appt. I'll burst into tears thinking of her. I was asked 2 days ago, if I feel worst when I visit the cemetery and I don't, the pain is the same everywhere I am. I have never come across anyone who's mother has passed and reading here of others helps me so much. Thank you all for sharing.
Richard, I think you had hospice? Am I correct? I am so torn over that as well. I wonder what other choice did we have? I still having issues with it, but its better.
I lost my mom Jan 2011. She was 76 years old and had health problems but was doing very well living on her own. She had went to the store for me and even made my lunch that day. I tried to call her before I went to bed that night and she didnt answer which was very unusual. I drove to her house hoping she just didnt hear the phone but it looked as if she just sat down on the bed and passed away.I miss her so much and I just keep hoping i will wake up and this will be just a bad dream. I dont think things will ever get better. She was my best friend and the best mother.
*gives bj's hand a squeeze to let you know she understands
I think the hardest thing was thinking I should have been with my Mom....and the circumstances you described are so similar to the way mine was....that I feel perhaps you understand that feeling too. It does get better...this missing feeling...doesn't disapperar completely when there is so much love remembered...but it does get gentler.
I'm sending a really big hug to you.
My Mother died today and I feel like i am the last person on the planet!!!
My mother died....passed away...she's gone..
25 days ago. I am 23 years old, I will never forget the stream of calls. My sister had tried getting a hold of me for an hour...I was at an event for the convergence of 11-11-11. I call her back and she tells me she thinks mom is dead...that our 12 year old brother called and told her but he wasn't upset and she wasn't sure if he was messing around..I tell her I will call and talk to him. I will never forget his tone..my baby brother, telling me " mom is dead" I want someone to tell me this isn't real. Nothing feels as real anymore, as if my mother actually possessed a part of my life force and that force has gone with her.
My 20 yr old brother flew into the same airport as I just hours apart...I was the one who told him just the night before...I felt like my pain was so much worse when I heard his reaction on the phone...all I wanted was to take his pain away...but I couldn't.
My 28 yr old sister was waiting for both of us to arrive...we planned to drive the 5 hours to my mothers house where our brother and step father lived. First we had to pick up my 11 yr old niece...again the intense pain of hers...and all I want is to take it all away.
I felt strong, like I had a very important duty to my family. I kept reinforcing positive statements to them, telling them how much I loved them, not talking about mom but asking about them. I felt we needed to stay well on the road.
All week I felt strong and everything was happening so fast, I felt her though...I believed that she was speaking with me and giving me focus and strength and love.
After a little over a week I left my mothers and spent time with my other family 5 hours away. Since then, when the calm came...when I was not in her home anymore and I had more time for my own mind...I have been feeling like I am going crazy. I am riding this roller coaster ride that I can't see the next turn!
I have a life to go back to in another state but I drove back to my mothers and that is where I am now. I am so lost...how am I supposed to go on without my mother? I have been having such strong feelings to have my own family since she has been gone...but also to just have all of my family living together and supporting eachothher.
I guess I don't feel safe any more. I want safety and I want to feel happy again. I want to talk to her...I fought for her my whole life...until the last two years I didn't have to fight any more ...I had a mother and her love is so beautiful! But she was only 47 and died of a sudden and fatal heart attack...I though I would get to have my mommy for so much longer! ! I don't want to give up on my life but this is so hard, I want to be good because nothing else matters, I want to be strong and love everyone so much but I find my self suffering ...I want to ask for her strength...but I find myself questioning my faith in the creator.
When I began reading this, the original post and every comment one by one...I was just soaking my clothes in tears but toward the end and with support of my dear friend texting through it..I feel a little better..and though I know I will never ever stop missing my mother...I hope that I can be good in my life and find peace. Thankyou all so very much for sharing...love and light.
*wipes my eyes....
Sara...I'm sitting here with a stuffed up nose, a soggy Kleenex and remembering exactly how I felt because you have written so eloquently. I do the same thing when there are people grieving...I feel a compulsion to comfort and push aside my own need to mourn. It can wear you out though.
I can tell that you have a deep appreciation though for all of life's beautiful mysteries. What helped me was just taking time for myself and giving myself permission to be ...sad seems so...unsatisfactory a word for the pain that feels as if it could just about rip you in two...
I spent a lot of time just breathing in and out...and feeling...oddly vulnerable, like you've mentioned. I think it's because our mothers have always stood between us and harm...or tried to...and without that...well, I know I suddenly felt very squishy and mortal.
I really think that writing would help you too....you just express yourself so beautifully. I'm glad you came here and shared this with us...i'm sure your story will strike a chord with somebody that needs to know they are not alone. You've definitely touched my heart.
Thank you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my own sweet mother
almost 2 years ago. We were so very close and I miss her
so much. It is almost unbearable at times. If God would
just give me 1 more hour with her, we could just talk and
laugh and catch up on everything. I have so many things
I would like to tell her and ask her. I would just love to hold her hand and tell her how much I love her and miss her. I know she is with the Lord and I know I will
see her again. She was my best friend.
so my mother died today.. three years hence. i spoke to her at 4PM and she died at 1:30 AM.... she was unspeakably upset by my brother and his wife the day before. they did not phone her all that day and I being 1300 miles and more away.. could do nothing but to say.. do not take the pills Mom, the ones they give you to sleep.. but she did and then she was gone.... she did not want to talk so I said bye... not the usual love you but just bye. i phone every night.. and that night i and probably she thought it would be no different.. we would have another day... and another night, but we did not... neither of us did.. me hurt because she was too upset by my brother and sister-in-law to talk... now it is over... and i really have no one to talk to ... i anticipate the evening call.. but there is none.. when will it end.
My mom died on January 7th. I can't believe how much this hurts. I feel like someone has kicked me in the stomach. I loved my mom so much, we were so close. After my dad died I moved in with her and I took care of her for 10 years as her health declined. Each time things looked bad she would bounce back. I keep wanting to call her and see how her day is going. I keep dreading going home to her empty house. Waves of pain, loneliness, fear and sorrow keep washing over me. Then anger comes, and I don't even know what I'm mad about. I keep reading about how the pain will fade, but I can't imagine this not hurting. Part of me died when she did, the part that was still a little girl sitting on her mama's lap, feeling safe and secure and loved. I'm an adult now, but I miss her so much, and I want my mama. God, please heal my heart and walk through this valley of grief with me.
This hub has made me feel less lonely. My mother died 37 days ago. Most of the time I feel I am coping, but really that is just an illusion. She had cancer and was reduced, just like my dad when he died, to wearing nappies. This was a woman in her seventies, with a bright,clear mind who had worked her way up from ward nurse to director of nursing. I keep getting memories. I can smell her, hear her voice ... But she is not there. I loved her so much. I don't think that I will ever be happy again. I actually feel less afraid of death, because life without her is horrible. My children,husband, brothers cannot ease the pain. I will carry on as 'normal', but inside there is such sadness .Apologies for my self cent redness. For some reason tonight is particularly bad. Is it because it is really sinking in. I spoke to her everyday and now there is NOTHING. Like Barbara I too am walking in the valley of grief, but do not believe that there is a healing God.
Barbara and Desolate - I'm so glad that you found this spot....not because I put it there, but simply because it's no longer just mine...it's everyone that comes here and shares their grief. It's such a gift. I wish I could say something so profound that it would fill that emptiness both of you are struggling with...all I can say is you are not alone. Not in your grief and not in your love. It's been over three years for me...and still, when something momentous happens, I want to share it with my mother and the realization that I can't still hurts. Not as it once did...but it's still there. I'm not sure I believe in Heaven...but I do know that my mother is always with me. Because I live...because i remember...beause I share what she taught me, what she has given to me...she is immortal. Thank you so much for sharing your love of such beautiful people with all of us.
im so sorry for your loss.
I chose my user name as that is exactly how I have felt since my mother died just over 9 months ago. It also reflects a phrase she used to use in trying to describe how she used to feel in the last 2 or 3 years of her life which was 'neither here nor there'. She had had a series of mini strokes and was ultimately diagnosed with vascular dementia. This manifested itself mainly in her having a very short-term memory but she still kept her sense of humour almost to the end, delighting those around her with her little puns and being as polite as she could with carers towards the end.
I found this hub in the first couple of days after she died and have cried over it many times, including now! But it has also been a great comfort as in my everyday life I come across people who have lost their mums but who don't seem to have found it so debilitating as I have. I thought I was improving but recently I have taken a backward step. I think someone mentioned it was because at this stage it has become heart rendingly real. And you start looking around at the vestiges of your life without your best friend and thinking it looks so desolate.
I was my mum's main companion since my father died 30 years ago and although I have had an interesting life and lived away in that time I have always felt the most comfortable with my mum and went on lots of holidays with her. I haven't married or had children but maybe I wouldn't have done that anyway. For the last 6 years I've had a relationship with a man who, although a sensitive type and a good companion whilst I was going through the early and last stages of my mum's deterioration, has certain character traits that I'm not sure I can live with or that make me feel very secure or loved. This has all come into sharper focus now that I don't have the distraction of concern for my mother. I have been on anti-depressants for many years but they don't seem to be helping now - or perhaps I might feel worse without them. Who knows? My doctor said I might be better off without my partner and that I should take comfort in my friends but I'm not sure I can go back to the life I lived before. I almost feel as though I've done all the things I want or can do and nothing really motivates me anymore - I suppose being a post-menopausal woman of 53 doesn't help! As said by 'Desolate' I also don't seem as afraid of death as I think that when it does come I might hallucinate that mum is there near the end as she did about her own mother, and it will be a comfort. Like a home coming. I don't believe in life after death any more though - have not done for many years. I just think the endorphins produced on the shutting down of our brains are nature's way of giving us some comfort when we are near the end of our lives.
I'm sorry to ramble on so much - it's all flowing out now that I've finally decided to sign in to these pages!
One last thing. I had always wanted to be with mum when she died, and I know that has been an issue with many of you who have written. She deteriorated quickly in the nursing home where she went after being in hospital following a much more serious stroke when she stopped being able to speakproperly or swallow (heartbreaking to watch!). I went in most days for the 5 weeks that she lingered on there. I luckily went the day before she died and we had a priest come in to give her the last rites (I knew she would have wanted that even though I am not religious anymore) and I held her hand and said thank you for everything and said how her life had been a good one, producing 3 children and several grandchildren who loved her, and that I was with her and loved her very much etc. I then had to leave to take a friend without a car home - mum gave a weak smile and a wave as I left her room - and I thought I would go back that night but I was tired and even a bit fearful so I stayed at my house meaning to go in early the next day. But I didn't go in as early and got a call whilst lying in bed in the morning to say that mum had died 20 minutes' before! In some ways I feel it probably was for the best but I am haunted by the fact that I wasn't there holding her hand until the last moment. I went in later to see her laid out on the bed with some flowers in her hands and just talked to her for a while. I have asked the home on a couple of occasions to write down what the carer experienced who was apparently with mum in her last moments but they have not responded. I feel that I need to have a record of how she was in her last few hours but of course the night into morning carer would have been busy with others. Mum feared dying very much (we both loved the Woody Allen joke 'I don't mind dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens!) I just can't bear the thought of her struggling with her breathing on a bed on her own. But I like to think that she could have been in the world of her childhood by that stage and with images of her mother and father to comfort her.
I must sound like a big baby being so unnaturally bonded to my mother but I've always been a bit insecure since I was born and can't change the way I feel unfortunately. Nor do I want to wallow in my feelings but actually I do feel better, if a bit embarrassed, that I have put it in the public domain for kindred spirits like yourselves to read.
As exhausted as I got having to keep on repeating the answers to my mother's repetitive questions I would,as 'gjg' wrote, give anything for more time with her to catch up on things and just to see her face when I took her out of the home she lived in until her last illness, and let her have a cigarette or two in the sunshine.
Of course there are so many worse things in the world than losing one's mother at the expected time (she was 89). I hang on to the fact that 9 months is still not enough time for some for the grief to become completely bearable and hope that I might feel able to enjoy a different sort of life in the future. I know I should channel my energy into looking outwards to where I can do some good but for the time being I think I just need to re-charge myself.
To anyone who has read this to the end, I apologise again for writing so much and I wish you the courage to get through this nightmarish period and for time to heal your grief.
Hi Stuck -
First off....don't go apologizing for what you wrote. I'll admit that I was daunted when I saw the size of it, but then...you write so beautifully...do you know that?
I'm glad you shared it. Sending you a hug, from one menopausal woman to another. I am in awe of the amazing relationship that you had with your mother.
My mother died on the 29th of January. I feel quite numb and utterly disappointed. She was in the late stages of Huntington's Disease so an untimely death was always probable, I just thought I had more time. I'm 28 and had a daughter nearly a year ago to fulfill one of Mum's dreams to be a grandparent, and Mum was loving her new role as 'grandmother'. She tried so hard to maintain a positive attitude and pushed the boundaries of existing within the confines of her illness. However her bed was a little faulty and she got her head caught in the corner of it and she suffocated. I don't know if she was awake or asleep when this would have happened and I don't want to ask the carer who found her because I don't know how I'd manage if I knew she struggled. I'm just so confused because on the other hand at least I take some comfort knowing she is free and doesn't have to get any sicker. In terms of managing grief I have learnt one thing though- I went to a wedding last night and had a few wines- it was a momentary break from the pain but had to reprocess all the grief feelings when reality came back this morning, so I'll be giving the wine away for a while!
Mikhaela - I am so sorry for your recent loss and I can't even begin to imagine the shock of it. I do admire your practical streak in regard to the emotional crutch and you are absolutely without a doubt about it 100% right. It might feel good to escape the burden of grief for a bit, but it's always there to bite you when you unwrap yourself from that blissful cocoon...and somehow it just seems to bite a little harder too. Thank you so much for sharing that with everyone here...it cannot be repeated often enough. I wish you peace and strength as you being your own journey through this time. *hugs*
Thank you for your kind words and hug Spryte. It means a lot from the author of such a beautiful and helpful hub.
And to Mikhaela, the most recent contributor, I send my deep condolences for the circumstances of your mother's death. You will replay this in your head many times over and some times it will be unbearable but this process will help the fact sink in until your mind just has to focus on something else. And there will be many searingly sad 'flashbacks' to come. All of us on this hub are going through it with you even if at different stages of the process. It is particularly heartbreaking for you that your mum won't see your daughter grow up. But your daughter will also give you comfort and continuity. I wish I had been able to have the same gift. Take each day as it comes and know that, although a cliche, time really does heal. Thinking of you.
i know how it feels, your not alone ;)
je suis desories
Hun, I just read your post, and i wanted to send you some warm wishes. My gran died of lung cancer in 2009. How odd it felt. She was like a female version of Dick Van Dyke. Very loud, and very entertaining. Always smiling. Always positive. When her dr told us that she wouldn't remember us anymore, once he upped her Morphine dosage, that broke my heart. Remember, slow and steady wins the race. You know, there is no right time to recover from your mum's death. Only YOU will know when you're back to being your old self. It's an extremely painful experience. I've always had a feeling that we weren't just born because our parents decided to make love, but also to build special bonds with people. Memories that you can treasure for the rest of your life. I can imagine you're feeling pretty floored right now. If you nee help, don't put off dialing those helplines. They are there for a reason. Just like EVERYTHING is. Sending hugs your way :)
I came back to this page because it consoles me. Thank you Spryte for your kind comments. I have been fine recently, but tonight I am so upset. I loved her so much and now she is gone. Went to her house on Saturday and my daughter found her diary. It was full of memories, including how upset she was when her first love told her he did not love her anymore. I miss her wit, her strength, her home made soup, her voice ... I want her here withme now. She was so thin at the end that I was nervous about touching her. I really want to hold her. By the way Mikhaela your recent posting is heart wrenching. I am so sorry. All these posts are so beautifully and tenderly written. I don't know who any of you are. We could well be in different continents but grief is universal.
Desolate - I'm so glad you came back to visit and that you find comfort here. *hugs* How incredible that you found a diary written by your mother...but I can understand how that must have reopened such a fresh wound (and yes...it's still fresh). I think the first year is always the most difficult...everything is a first...every holiday, birthday...without them. I visited my sister not too long ago...she still keeps some clothing stashed away that belonged to my mother and she was sad that after all this time, the smell of her had diissipated. For a long time, whenever she was feeling blue, she'd duck into the closet an press her nose against the fabric...just to inhale the familiar scent. We did that when we visited her apartment, each of us running for the pillows on my mother's bed, tearful and yet laughing at each other for having the same reaction. I remember hugging the pillow tight...as if I was hugging my own mother...closing my eyes and remembering her by smell.
How reassuring Spryte. I keep a scarf of hers under my pillow and I like its smell. I wear her jackets. Trouble is that I thought I was 'getting over it' but now I am having an epic backlash. Even worse, I feel guilt. Why did I not recognise just how ill she was? Why did I not cuddle her more? Poor thin mum. I hope that she wasn't scared.My brother was there when her kidneys began to fail. She was in pain. He held her hand, gave her morphine and said:' Mum I am here. I will help you on this journey.' She smiled and held his hand v tight while she slipped into a coma. The Hospice team set up a morphine drip on top of the oral morphine.That was it. Mum slipped into another place, but at least she smiled at my brother. He has made a little shrine to mum and dad in his study. There are photographs, ornaments, books and dad's mouth organ. I keep a receipt from a book mum bought me for my last birthday. I found the receipt accidentally in one of her hand bags. Grief hurts so much, doesn't it? The pain is excruciating. I am acting normal, but am like a robot. Smiling, brushing my teeth, eating, going to work - but really I want to howl and wail . I am so angry that we are made to suffer so much. My grief is in the natural order of things, and that is bad enough.
Desolate,
I feel for you so much and understand the almost unbearable pain. After 10 months the grief is less intense but there are still many times when I'm out of earshot, often in the car, and shout out loudly 'Mum, mum!' Oh to see her smile again when I used to visit her.
I do that Stuck in limbo. I scream 'Mum, mum! I want you back!' Your words are very consoling.
I'm glad you feel consoled Desolate. I think the most consoling thing for all of us on this page is that we can gain strength from just knowing that other people understand. I have got to the stage where it's more difficult to share these thoughts and comments with those around me. Some of them fear what's ahead for them when they lose their parents and I want to try and show that it does get better and they won't feel as bad for ever. But it certainly does help to know that there is this special space where those of us going through it now can give each other virtual hugs and hold virtual hands. Thank you to all for sharing your innermost thoughts and moments of deep sadness, but also of course your words of comfort and experiences of recovery from the bitterest grief.
I know exactly what you mean. It will be 2 Years Tomorrow since my Mom passed away from a sudden massive stroke while visiting me for a couple of days. I found her in my Daughters floor the next Morning. I will ALWAYS feel guilty for not checking on her before I went to bed!! The pain is still just as if it happened Yesterday. I'm crying as I type this. T guess the best way to put how it is for me, is that the pain is still just as bad, but not as often. I know that it will always be there, and until something else as truamatizing happens, (God willing not soon) I will move it over to make room for more!! My heart has never had a piece? broken, to never be healed again until the day my Mom went to be with Jesus!! I love you so much my Best Friend, My Mommy!! Love Always until we meet again!! Your Daughter, Robin C.
I lost my mom 6 weeks ago tomorrow, i feel lost i feel hollow i feel angry,she wasnt even ill till she got pnemumonia ( excuse spelling) things went from bad to worse she went onto cpap, then into intensive care where her kidneys failed her heart was failing. i held my beautiful moms hand as she passed away. life is sooooooo hard without her i cry all the time my poor children say please dont cry mom, and ive explained to them i need to cry...please can someone tell me this gets better xx
Helen: *big hugs to you* It does get better...I promise. It's hard to believe that soon it will be four years since my mother passed and I wrote this blog...dashing it off in mindless grief and then flying back east to be with my family. So much has happened between then and now, things I would have loved sharing with her. I miss her...but it's a gentler pain now. I find myself able to laugh and smile over things that were so unique to who she was and who I am because of that. Be gentle with yourself....and definitely take this time to grieve. If you need to...please come back. We've all been where you are and will keep you and your family in our thoughts.
I know it has been a long time since your Mother has died, but I am sorry for your loss still. I am still searching on anything that has to do with grieving and loss. My Grandfather died almost two years ago. A man that I considered my Father, and I still am having a difficult time. It brings me comfort to know I am not alone. Thank you for sharing.
My mum passed away last week, I miss her so much... I silently cry myself to sleep cause I know she will never be back, when I would visit she would have a plate of food or busuciits for me to take home, she would fix my sewing mistakes, tell me what to do when I had a headache or When my children had a fever or how to take stains of cloths, carpet, furniture... She knew everything - I wish I could be half the mother that she was... She got sick, said cruel things which she really didn't mean. She was in pain and couldn't find comfort no Matter what she tried and medication was just making things worse... She gave up the fight... But I will never forget everything she had done for me.. The lady, mother, grandmother, wife, sister, aunt. Cousin, and most of all a mentor .. The best mentor.im so luck to have had a mother like you - LT
I wrote this after my mother died, maybe it will help you or someone else...May 18 was her birthday & I still have not got over it.
The Night the Stars Fell
By Jeanne Ames
The night that the stars fell from the skies
When the light went from you eyes
Heaven and earth cried a thousand tears
For all the coming sad and lonly years
You made my empty live seem full
With the kindness from your soul
Lost are we that are left behind
Your love was both true and blind
Loving and giving came easy for you
No one can replace the things you do
There is none the like, or will there be
When I close my eyes, your face I see
You will always be in my heart
Nothing can or will keep us apart
Mother, you taught me how to care,
How to love, and how to share
I will miss your gentle touch
Mother, I love you so much
So I will be good or lest I’ll try
And say goodnight but not goodbye
Jeanne - thank you so much for sharing that. It is beautiful, from the heart and I no doubt a feeling shared by all that come here. Hugs to you!
Georgiakevin 3 years ago
My deepest sympathy Laurie, the two hardest losses for anyone is their mother and their child. Keep on keeping on. Your mother is a lucky lady to have a daughter like you.